Have You Fallen off the New Year’s Resolution wagon yet? 😉
Firstly, Happy New Year! 🙂
Most of my friends, and anyone who has worked with me, will know that the notion of New Year’s Resolutions does not sit well with me. Basically, I know from experience that each new day, or even half day, or hour, can present an opportunity to reset and start afresh.
Indeed, the day I called the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) helpline in 2010, I was called back for the umpteenth time that day, this time by a woman at 10.30pm on the 16th of March, who said ‘if you don’t have another drink after midnight, tomorrow will be your first day of sobriety’. This showed me so clearly, what a difference a day makes and, what a difference a decision makes – I will come back to this.
At 8am the next morning, another lady called me before she left for work. She said ‘Keep it in the day, if you can’t keep it in the day keep it in the hour, if you can’t keep it in the hour, keep it in the minute, even the seconds’. What she meant was, if you only set yourself a goal not to drink for the next day, hour, minute, or second, it is a much more manageable goal that ‘I’m not going to drink ever again!’ – especially on the first day of alcohol withdrawal which is no mean feat. AA is founded on this premise of ‘one day at a time’ (ODAAT) – you only have to not drink for today and do that every day.
As I sweated, shook, wretched, panicked, and terrified my way though tat first 24 hours, and the days that followed, this advice was invaluable to me, and it probably saved my life. It demonstrated to me that even the tiniest of goals have merit and add up quickly to huge successes. As it happens, that next day of the 17th March 2010, was my first day of sobriety and, from those tiny, humble beginnings, those goals set for a second, minute, hour, or a day, now add up to nearly 12 years of sobriety.
But this piece is not about my sobriety. That has now become endemic in my life, naturally sustained, and something I barely think about. This is more about what I have learned during my life about setting goals and, moreover, reaching them, especially those we might set at particular times of the year, such as New Year.
So, why am I ambivalent about New Year's resolutions?
Well, I can talk from both personal and psychological experience. Back when I was drinking, I was increasingly aware of the need to stop at least for a period of time, and New Year provided a great delay tactic for the rest of the year. By the time Christmas and New Year arrived, drinking was normalised for everyone and come the 1st of January, hangovers abound, and ‘hair of the dog’ seems a necessary requirement. Then ‘oh well I’ve failed now so I might as well carry on’. I am sure many can recognise this pattern, it is not unusual, and I have experienced similar patterns with eating and weight loss, over the years.
The thing is that goals need proper consideration and planning. We need to organise out environments to ensure it is conducive to success.
If we are going to ‘stop’ a habit of some kind, like smoking, drinking, or overeating, then the day after New Year’s Eve, when there are probably half empty bottles laying around, fags in ashtrays and cheese, cake, and cola in every cupboard, not to mention we’ve probably had no sleep, is most likely not the best place to start. And that is before we even go down the route of addiction, and the underlying causes of that addictive behaviour, that may well require some effective trauma therapy to support the process. Invariably, those who find they cannot cope with ‘dry January’ very well, will almost certainly require additional intervention at some point down the line, if not at that first attempt.
So, back to decisions.....
People often used to joke with me about my sobriety birthday of the 17th of March, which is St. Patrick’s Day, a day renowned for heavy drinking. They would laugh and quip ‘why didn’t you wait until the 18th to stop?’ which I’d laugh along with and retort ‘I had no idea what day it was’ simultaneously joking, but also deadly serious.
The longer answer is, I made a decision.
The word decision comes from the Latin ‘de’’ which means ‘off’ and ‘caedere’ which means ‘cut’ or ‘kill’. So when we make a decision, we literally cut off, or kill, all other options, it translates as ‘death to the other’.
A decision is final. Prior to that day I had not made a proper decision, I had merely paid lip service to a notion that it might be a good idea to stop or cut down for a while.
The decision I made that day, came with a clear, precise, and immediate action. I reached out for help and knew I had to act quickly. AA was my last port of call after having been rejected by both public and voluntary sector organisations I contacted. Am alcoholic who has made a decision cannot wait unaided for 8 weeks until an appointment ‘might’ become available. AA, and her associated fellowships, is the only place (it is not an organisation or company), that is available 24/7, is free of charge, will help you immediately, and runs meetings every single day online and face to face, for alcoholics and addicts of all kinds.
So, I made a decision that saved my life and, to this day, have not taken a single drop of alcohol.
What has this all got to do with New Year?
I am speaking to those who might have set themselves New Year’s resolutions of any kind. It is true that most resolutions don’t make it past January. What will you do then? Wait until next January to be healthy or great? I wouldn’t. I would keep starting again, every day, until you have cracked it. And if it is not working for you, revisit the goal – is it the right one for you, or is it that you need help with it?
If we follow, roughly speaking, the 12 step approach, the initial part of achieving the goal appears in the first 3 steps that can be generically translated as:
- Name your precise goal or challenge
- Make a decision to achieve or tackle it
- Do whatever it takes to make it happen
At this point you can begin to hatch your plan or strategy.
Emma, what do you do at New Year, then - I hear you cry 😀
There are many points during the year that I find conducive to different types of activity, though I am not going into that here.
We have been conditioned into the ‘New Year, New You’ rhetoric and have all been sold a lot of quick fix regimes, in the aftermath of an over indulgent season, at some point. I have no judgement on that as a business strategy, it works well for many. However, the New Year rush to overhaul everything, as if it is the only day of the year we can begin anew, does not tend to work well for me, personally, nor from evidence, the vast majority of people. I tend to make a decision about something I want or need to do when I am ready and willing to do so, whatever the time of year.
However, like September, it is the start of a new term, and a new quarter of the year which, in business, makes sense to plan for, and as a feeling of a natural starting point, can work well as part of an overall annual strategy.
I tend to start in December, just before Christmas, with my reflections on the year just gone. I look at both the successes and the trials and tribulations and I consider them pragmatically, in terms of the learning I can take from them. I celebrate my successes.
I choose what I want to take forwards with me into the energy of the next phase, and what I will set down. I revisit my overall big vision, and I tweak it, if necessary, setting a course for the next phase. I call these intentions.
Intentions are like wishes that I envisage clearly, and place into the future. I set the coordinates (describe the vision) into the sat nav (the plan) that will navigate the route (the steps) to take me there. I begin with the end in mind.
Part of that journey might involve losing some weight, or changing some habits, or adopting new ones. But I don’t just do those things because I ‘should’, I will do them if they serve the overall vision. Ultimately, I stopped drinking because I knew I couldn’t be the ‘me’ I could be, unless I did! I would have died within the year, without a doubt.
So do yourself a favour and just ask yourself some very simple and basic questions such as:
- Where do you want to be this time next year?
- What about in 5 years?
- If you could do, be, have, whatever you want for your life right now, what would that look like?
Write it down in detail and you have the beginnings of your vision and then you can address the smaller steps of goals that will get you there, ensuring that each piece of action you take, is going in that direction.
I did that in 2010 and ended up nearly 12 years sober in what feels like the blink of an eye.
I did that in 2010 and ended up with my third degree in 2018.
I did that in 2011 and ended up medication free, less than 2 years later.
I did that in 2020 and ended up living in Cornwall just 12 months later.
I decided what I wanted and then I followed the steps, repeatedly and consistently, until I achieved my goal. And I continue to do that, year after year, month after month, day after day, hour after hour.
If you have enjoyed this piece, you may find the Springboard to Success free PDF a useful tool to get you started on your journey to greater things!
If you have been affected by anything in this piece regarding addiction, please feel free to email me at : emmajaynes@youknowyou.co.uk or visit AA website to find a meeting : Alcoholics Anonymous Great Britain (alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk)
Or call the AA helpline on: 0800 9177 650
